It's Complicated

It's Completely Over

2005-07-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

This blog is no longer being updated with any kind of regularity.

Please feel free to check out my homepage at 20minuteprod.com.

IT'S BEEN FUN!!!

Wonka! Human!

2005-07-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

I was somewhat wrong about Burton's version of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". I predicted an utter abortion, but after seeing the movie, I was really entertained by it. This movie is stuffed full of odd, bizzare and seemingly nonsensical tangents at time, but stays fairly honest to the story we all know and love (Even those of us who never read the book).

The first act of this movie was better than the original. It was great not to have to suffer through "Cheer Up Charlie" and the grandparents all had more distinct personalities. In terms of Charlie and Grandpa Joe, I'd say they are equals with their filmic predecessors. Really sympathetic and wonderful opening to this film. Once it gets into the chocolate factory things do slow down a little. It's always fun and there's always something interesting going on, but sometimes it just stops being fun for any purpose. We get very little character development throughout the second or third act (except of Wonka, in a unique and dark side story). The movie is packed, stuffed to its gills, but it's still unable to deliver very much information in the latter part of the film. There are still a lot of great moments and laughs, though.

Overall, I give the contest to the original film by well over 20 Movie Points. I'll take it. I'm so glad Burton was able to really nail a lot of parts of this movie. It seems like the old Burton again. I really, really recommend seeing it on the big screen.

Just wanted to update to admit that I was mistaken about that movie! I am human!

Oh no he didn't!!!

2005-07-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

OH YES I DID!!! Just when you were ready to write off "It's Complicated" for the day, I'm coming back at you with the link of the century/decade/year/month/week/day/work shift.

Imagine some guy with a small dick, right? Ok, good. So he's driving along in his Hummer. Soon enough, though, he starts hearing just what all the rest of us think about people who drive Hummers. He starts to get depressed again. If only I used my Hummer to do some off-roading, like it's designed for, I would be cool. I could justify driving myself around in this beast/machine. But of course small-dicked guy has a busy schedule. His day is packed to the gills ever since he needed 2 hours a day to fill his car up with gas.

Enter Spray-on-Mud.

You know what, finish this entry yourself. For one thing the joke makes itself. For another, I don't got time! Still tired, too.

I'm Not Tired.

2005-07-14T15:07:00.000-07:00

Meesa too tired to post any good info today. All I can think about is S11 and sleep.

Cat Stevens(Yusuf Islam/Sheryl Crow) originally sang "The First Cut Is The Deepest" and in the same way, the last hours are the longest. Work is for jerks and Turks. Besides being tired, which is only natural on the kind of sleep I'm getting, I am also upset about work because all the people I knew and was friendly with have been promoted or left the company. The promotions I still get to see and talk to, but not nearly as often and only under the vast umbrella of workplace politics. As for those who left the storied Mark Burnett Productions to seek other pastures, God only knows what kinds of tortures they ran into. May Burnett have mercy on their soul.

I was gonna post this picture of a sleeping child, but Flickr is being a big baby. I know I need to make the jump to Imageshack, but I just haven't taken the time to do it yet. Get off my back! I didn't ask to start this blog, you know.

Full Bombs Detonated!!!

2005-07-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

Despite the pleadings of Steve-0 and his pants and his sperm count, I must continue to utilize the awesome power of the bullet point in my posts. I like the way it is streamlined. On my current projects list is creating a whole new (hopefully original) template for this blog. Don't get me wrong, the gloomy black design has served me very, very well. Blackie, without you I wouldn't even know how to blog. I love this template, man. I love it more than I can stand. When you let me into your html and I put links all over your sidebar, you make me feel like a natural blogger. You make me want to be a better blogger. You had me at "It's Complicated".

Let the bullets begin!!!

Big congrats to Taylor and Desiree on their engagement. I'm headed back to the Fort in late July for one wedding and it looks like it won't be long before I have to go to another wedding there. Hopefully they will get a great reggae band and a Jaggermeister machine. How romantic.

The main thing on my mind this week, in terms of things I am willing to share with you, dear reader, is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I am on record (ask Joe) as saying that this movie is going to be bad. I don't have any faith in Tim Burton, especially when it comes to remakes. I do believe in Johnny Depp and I think he's a great choice for this role. If someone has to attempt to match Gene Wilder's original, magical performance (and I still don't really understand how they had to) then I wouldn't want anyone other than Depp. As a huge fan of the original movie and one who never read the Dahl book (yet), I am filled with trepidation over this movie. The trailers have done little to inspire confidence, looking only like a slick, glossy and corporately-zaney redub of the original.

As for all you people telling me that this one is different, that it's not a remake because this one is based on the booOOooOook, shut the fuck up. What a boring thing to say. I so expected that from you. I haven't read the book, but that doesn't make me any less concerned about the legacy and sanctity of the movie. I could go on for quite some time on the issue of the new Chocolate Factor movie, as it is something I feel strongly about, but I don't want to scare any readers away. I'll leave that to the new Oompa Loompas:
Might to see The Aristocrats later this week with Tommy G. It's a hundred comedians each telling their own version of an old, classic, reallyfuckin'dirty joke. I'm bringing a diaper for all the pee I pee out from laughter.

Baked, not fried. It's the health conscious choice.

Have you seen all these news stories over some girl who got kidnapped while on a "relaxing" vacation to Carlos 'n' Charlies in Aruba??? Wow, what a media shit storm. Good link. While I wouldn't quite say "Fuck Natalee Holloway" (she's probably dead, that's gross), I certainly don't care about her disappearance. That is simply one of the risk high school seniors run when they go out and drink in other countries. (P.S. think the media would've gone this apeshit if I'd been kidnapped while on my high school graduation bender down in Cozumel??? no.) There are reasons for this (America's higher drinking age, economic troubles in other countries, the cold, black heart of man) and of course everyone and their mother thinks they have the solution (blame the parents, blame Aruba, blame Carlos, blame Charlie's, blame the CIA, blame the school, blame the police, blake Bush, blame Canada, blame video games) none of this is going to stop underaged kids from drinking illegally and irresponsibly. It's only going to stop you from hearing about the real news. Ha!

I'd like to hire a sky-writer to write a message for me. Something about karate and destruction, but in a code. Then I can look at whoever I'm with, tell them I gotta go and zip off into the night. I don't think they can do sky writing at night. Maybe a huge banner with neon lights. "Blake, The governor needs you. Black belt alert. Full bombs detonated."

Any of you following this Karl Rove mess??? Here's a link to how the White House is choosing to handle this situation. First declare the Rove innocent and promise swift justice to the evil-doers who leaked the name. Then, shut up, refuse to talk about it and sulk. It's strange how little press this story is getting and how slow things are moving. Very, very strange. Welcome to Freedom Town.

Kill, kill, kill the white man. This is a totally random link. Enjoy.

Bullets Point At Your Face!

2005-07-12T15:56:00.000-07:00

I gotta do this one quickly. Looks like we're gonna get to leave the sweatshop a little early today and I want to use that extra time to prepare a meal for my family.

Here's a great read for all you who like mixing politics, history and comix!!! Check out this great read called "This Godless Communism". I found it very objective and informative. Wait, no I don't. The sad part is that a lot of kids probably did. Not that it's bad that Soviet-style Communism has been defeated, of course. History is fun and filled with colorful pictures. Blood is red.

Wait, did that Steve Martin abortion, The Pink Panther come out yet? I thought it had come and gone without any fuss, but I guess i was wrong. Mark your calendars, kiddies, for its Febuary 10 release date. No, don't kill yourself, just mark your calendar.

Special thanks to my good friend Andrew Korn, who broke the box office slump by going to see Fantastic Four despite the warnings of three of his close friends and the Surgeon General.

I had meant to update you all on my Friday night, (which involved hip eateries, bacon dogs, scientologists, a head shop run by tweakers that was open until the wee hours of the morn and a jewelry salesman named Moses who wouldn't talk to us until we bought some pizza) It was one of the more LA weekends I have ever had. Amazingly I still had fun

Speaking of head shops, here's some interesting drug-related news for your minds. First, San Fransisco knows about health! Down with fast food, up with medicinal marijuana. This next link isn't news as much as history. Please enjoy a pretty yellow article about the original intents of the marijuana criminalization effort. Down with Harry Anslinger! I'm sure he's already dead! I feel vindicated!

Steve-o. I have responded to one of your comments recently with a question. Will you see if you know the answer? I guess I could always ask you directly rather than this impossible nonsense.

I think if I got more random, amateur boobies sent to me via email that I would just be a happier person. Ladies, help a brother make it through. You can even fantasize that I'm good looking.

Booyakashah. It's all about Ali G. Finally I'm caught up on season two. I watched the whole thing in one sitting and laughed my ass off. I might have to get cable again once the third season springs to life. That man alone is worth the price of cable and the price of getting tons and tons of crap programming dumped onto my Tivo. Some of my friends (no names, but they are rather emphatic) dismiss performance artists. I think it's because of the associations with high, snobby, artsy type art that is typically produced by such a genre, but ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Ali G is a performance artist. Probably the best one I've ever seen.

Told you this was gonna be short, but I bet you didn't think it was gonna be pointless. Well...

Today Is the Greatest

2005-07-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Stay healthy. Save money.

Total car costs: $660.

Total vomits: 7-10

Today was not my day. Wasting sick days actually being sick is for chumps and vomiters. I don't hang with that pack of sissies. Sickness is a bunch of crap. Thinking of death while you're walking your dog is not any kind of way to make it through life in rugged Little Armenia. These people have no pity. They know what real suffering is, you spoiled American brat. While you were vomitting our people were massacred. I just slink away, clutching my stomach, which is attempting to turn inside out.

2 Line Reviews by Korn

2005-07-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

I am always right.

akornusc (2:37:07 PM): you were right
akornusc (2:37:09 PM): not very good

In this case, what is "not very good" would be Fantastic Four. Check the previous post, dumbass. I can't believe you're confused by something as simple as a weblog or "blog"!!!

Streamlined Crap (featuring bullet points)

2005-07-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

We're jumping right in today, kiddies. Just try and stop me.

Lisa Simpson. My favorite Simpson. She's gotten better as the show has progressed. Check out "The President Wore Pearls", where she becomes president of the Student Council and leads a student strike. I really liked that episode.

No news on the addition of polls to the page? Any html/java wizards care to help me out? Please?

Will the box office finally pull out of its slump this weekend? With the impending classic Fantastic Four coming out, I don't see how it couldn't! Listen, I remember just a few weeks/months/years ago some other comic book movie came out, and it made money!!! It stands to order that F4 is going to shatter some box office records, some preconceived notions about the medium of cinema and some jaws (as they hit the floor).

Today I got an email from Ticketmaster ordering me "Don't miss Journey!" Well Ticketmaster email, I'm going to "miss Journey!"

I club seals. Any other closet KoL geeks out there? I'm CarpCarver.

Just because Anna Nicole Smith lost a lot of weight and is now being considered "hot" again doesn't mean that I'll ever forget what a shrill, disgusting bitch she is deep down inside. I have never seen anything more depressing on television than The Anna Nicole Show.

Going to work these days is great. I take the quickest cross-town route, the meandering Sunset Blvd (which, to be fair, deserves a post of its own). Along the way, I see myriad Hollywood freaks and Beverly Hills bozos. This is always my most stressful time of the day because I am always late. I was sitting at a red light today, my mind racing, when I saw a guy with a mohawk/mullet and a leather jacket on (it's summer here for you international readers!!!). I started wondering, where is he going? Did he roll out of bed and think "It's going to be a long day," like I did? What, exactly, is he going to go do all day? The worst part of living in LA is having to work because most of the city doesn't seem to have to. Driving to work in early morning traffic is only made worse by seeing some lucky weirdo out for a jog or walking around in their pajamas.

akornusc (10:01:39 AM): you think F4 [blogger's note: Fantastic Four] will be any good ?
blakesnake (10:01:56 AM): no
blakesnake (10:02:11 AM): it looks like crap to me
blakesnake (10:02:16 AM): but i would like to be wrong
akornusc (10:02:22 AM): ah
akornusc (10:06:01 AM): ok, im off to have my stitches looked at

...The fast paced life of internet superstars.

In conclusion, if you do plan to see a new movie this weekend, go see Murderball. It is supposed to be great, but if docs aren't your thing, check out Dark Water. I don't know if it's any good or not, it has a less-than-great 44% rating on rottentomatoes.com, but supporting Jennifer Connelly is something that we all should take part in. I'd love it if she'd just stand over me and shake. (A very special gift to anyone who names that reference in the comments section).

Well tigers, that's all for today, unless work becomes excrutiatingly slow and I decide to try and boost my stats with another post. You did know that didn't you? That's what this is all about, just numbers.

HTML/Java Polls???

2005-07-07T14:26:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! In an effort to make your stay here more enjoyable and interactive, I am doing some research on adding a few polls to the site. I'm still looking. My knowledge of html is minimal and my knowledge of java is non-existant. I'm just posting here to ask anyone who knows of good code/software/whatever to get some polls up on my site to PLEASE EMAIL ME or leave a comment here. I'll see it.

Anyway, I'm just trying to help you all out and allow you to exercise your basic human rights by freely answering questions such as: "Favorite Parcel Shipping Company?" FYI, mine is the good old USPS. DHL left my new dvd-drive sitting outside my apartment for around 7 hours yesterday. My signature required package. Luckily it wasn't thieved!!!

On Humans Being Evil

2005-07-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

In an effort to please my reader (Hey Steve!), today's post will preclude the usual movie trivia and opinions and info-mation. Instead, I want to take a look at a couple of things which gave me pause today. I want to discuss them for a few reasons that aren't really clear to me yet. I want to put them in context before I try and say anything about what they mean.

First is the London bombing. Four bombs were set off in London's transit system. There were subway and bus bombs. As of now, 37 are confirmed dead. I'm not usually one to make a big deal out of a small(ish) number of deaths. If 37 people died in the ocean, I wouldn't say, "Let's never swim again." But that's not the point. The sad thing is, this was the act of concious, thinking humans. It makes me so sad to see humans in such dark, confused places that they would lash out in such a violent way. I sympathize with the bombers and I think we should all try to because we have all been confused, scared, lost, angry. We are all the same.

But I do not say the bombers (avoiding the word terrorists) were scared in the same way that those poor people on the subway must have been. Those are all perfectly innocent people being made to suffer because of another person's psychosis (see: religion). And again, I think we can all identify with that. We have all had something unfairly bad happen to us. We all know what it's like to feel powerless. Close your eyes and imagine you are trapped in a steel box inside a dark tunnel only moments after huge explosions brought your train to a stop. Imagine crying children. Imagine mothers trying to comfort them when they know that this is an insane world and that anything could happen.

The second thing I wanted to talk about has been spreading around the internet really quickly in the past couple of days. This is really chilling but if you want to, take a look into the mind of a suspected murder/kidnapper/child molester. I heard about this through Wired, whose article details not just the site, but now the thousands of people logging on to read it.

The reason I wanted to link to this blog is because I felt so... weird when I was reading it. If I had had the motivation to describe my feelings during some of the darkest sadnesses and depressions that I have felt, I don't think I would sound very different from this guy. Here are a few quotes:

I'm not a bad person, I just have a disease contracted from society, and it hurts a lot.

In fact, I don't know much any more what right and wrong even is. My view is either everything is right (in some regard) or everything is wrong (in some other regard). The question (one I am struggling with at this point) is, "Does it matter?"
Does anything matter?

These nuggets of truth are buried very deep in the discussion of demons and God (hmmm.. religion again), but they are there. He knows that he's hurting, also. He knows that he's scared and potentially dangerous. He also knows that society is part of what drove him there. How could he turn to society for help? He wanted to talk, obviously; he started a blog. Even now, the blog fills up with literally thousands of comments, mostly all judging him swiftly. Of course the man seems to be a criminal, and I am not condoning acts of violence or acts against the free will of others, but seeing and reading his motivations just makes me so sad. Again, I can relate. I have felt the way this man felt (in terms of sadness/loneliness/depression). The only thing that kept me sane were my family, upbringing and friends. And movies of course. I guess that just doesn't work for everyone.

What this post is about, I still don't know. I guess it's the "Blake can relate to hideous criminals" post. I just get so sick on knee jerk reactions. I get so sick of reading the comments section of that blog. I wish I could ask the people who leave hateful comments what the worst thing they have ever done is. I'm sick of seeing these "terrorist" bombers treated as an incarnation of evil, rather than human beings just trying to deal with how screwed up their personal worlds are and how screwed up the world at large is. Love, people. Sympathy.

In conclusion, because I seriously don't want to make a post without a movie reference, from Schizopolis (paraphrased b/c I can't find the quote online):

So in conclusion, it'll be years before you figure out what Lester's death really means. So for now let's all just go out and have a drink.

It's Clobberin' Time. (NOT "cloberinG". Important)

2005-07-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

I did my best to ignore the evidence that Fantastic Four is going to suck. Granted, there was not much evidence to the contrary for me to focus on. Every trailer I've seen for the movie so far looks cheesy. The quality of clips I've seen make the movie look like it was produced for tv. I told myself that the trailers weren't showing it all. I told myself that the four seperate types of superpowers would be cool. I told myself that the Human Torch wasn't just a smug cliche of a character.

Slowly but surely, more trailers came out and slow, I dropped all the illusions. The only thing I was left with was the anticipation of seeing Alba's sweet, sweet ass. It'll be worth it for me to see this movie still, I thought, if only to see the curves on Mt. Alba. But I realized that the trailers don't even give us a good money shot of Alba, which should be their whole selling point. I also realized that I have the internet.

Miscast as the Invisible Woman. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I don't think I'm going out on a limb here when I predict that the box office slump will continue this weekend. I don't want to dwell anymore on these big blockbusters, however. I will close with a list of summer movies still to come that I actually want to see. You should want to see them too. You should do whatever I ask. You should take your shirt off.... sexy.

Keira Knightley in Domino
Bill Murray in Jim Jarmusch's Broken Flowers

War of the W-W-WHAAAAAT???

2005-07-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

Sad to say that I contributed to War of the World $100 million weekend. Worldwide it looks like the thing made over $200 million. My views on the film are that it's good and bad at the same time. In the theater, I was wrapped up in the movie, which is as good (on all technical levels), as you could imagine. Even when Spielberg takes a dump, he knows how to make sure you are interested. So, like I said, most of my problems with this movie only came to mind after I had gotten over the rush of the alien invasion.

Ultimately, I think the bad outweighs the good in this movie and, for all its good points, I can't recommend it. There are a lot of reasons for this and I'd be willing to discuss them in further length with you if you had seen the movie. Instead you came to a blog. GOING TO A BLOG IS NOT THE SAME THING AS SEEING A MOVIE.

The ending of this movie was one of the worst I can remember seeing. I threw up. I threw up repeatedly. There are a lot of plot holes in this story. This movie is worse, yes WORSE than it's predecesors (eg Independence Day). I liked it better, but it is WORSE.

I realize this quasi-review is full of contradictions, but how else can you talk about a movie that looks like every other movie, has no heart or soul and completely cops out at the ending, but was directed by the foremost living director working today? Spielberg is a great director, few would argue that. But it's insulting for him to shove this crap down our throats on 4th of July weekend.

It's hard to end a post where you rip on one of your childhood idols. In an open communication to Spielberg, who I think checks my site pretty regularly, I would like to beg him to make movies he cares about or not make movies at all. There are too many talented, passionate directors who could have made War of the Worlds something SPECIAL. I enjoyed this movie, but I hate everything behind it. Since there is nothing behind this movie except sap, hot air and various cool looking aliens. This movie was made to be released to DVD. Good day, Mr. Spielberg. Can't wait for what I'm sure will be an unbiased look at the Israel/Palestine conflict.

Long live Peter Jackson.

Nobody Loves in LA

2005-07-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm employed again, and you all know what that means. First, I better call unemployment and tell them before I am guitly of welfare fraud. Secondly, and more importantly to you, reader, is that I'll have more time to post!!!

In my warped worldview, work time = blog time = do anything you can to make it through the day in one piece.

Speaking of peace,

Famosos I have spotted recently

2005-07-04T23:18:00.000-07:00

SPOTTED: Tim Heidecker & Eric Wareheim
The brains, and brawn, behind Adult Swim's Tom Goes To the Mayor.

Where: David Byrne/Arcade Fire concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

Notable Notes: Eric Wareheim is HUGE (tall). They were with one very cute girl with short black pigtails. I wonder how often these guys hang out. They seemed friendly and funny, but a discerning eye could see through all the bullshit, deep into Tim Heidecker's eyes. He has a plan to overthrow Eric and obtain full control of the cartoon. You heard it here first! That's called a scoop!

SPOTTED: Tommy Lee
The dick in the Pamela sex tape and Motley Crue

Where: Just cruising up Fairfax in his convertible, man, swear! Totally! I felt cool because, as a slacker, I was just cruising as well.

Notable Notes: Plays the drums. I did not know this for the first five years I heard this guy's name.

SPOTTED: TV's House; Hugh Laurie
TV's House. Long loved British comedian and actor.

Where: The Apple Store in The Grove

Notable Notes: I saw way too much of this guy during the last season of 24, even with Tivo. They advertised his show House like it was a real doctor with a real cure for cancer instead of just another shitty doctor show. Hugh Laurie has a long history in comedy and children's entertainment. I thought he was really likable in Stuart Little, even when competing with the cutest thing imaginable, a mouse with Michael J. Fox's voice. I would have fully supported his jump to a popular television show or starring roles in films, but I can not forgive coming out with another doctor show, much less a rebel doctor with a heart of gold show. I have friends with long standing boycotts on doctor and lawyer shows. I guess they are ineffective so far. I really think the infestation of doctors/lawyers on television is something that a grassroots campaign could fix.

On the other hand, sitcoms are almost on the brink of death. If we got rid of doctor and lawyer shows, the dramas would all disappear as well, leaving only a barren wasteland of reality television. Speaking of which, I have to get some sleep. I head back into the "working" world tomorrow. I'll be employed as Mark Burnett's official food tester. Just kidding. Watch Survivor.

Remakes are KING!

2005-06-28T04:59:00.000-07:00

Because it's so shamefully ironic to me after my last post, I bring you trailer for KING KONG. I was licking a still of Naomi Campbell when the irony hit me. Let me state now that I am anticipating this movie with great... anticipation.

This looks amazing. Coming from Peter Jackson I'm sure it will be one of the best of the year. Luckily, my last post is still accurate since this isn't coming out until December. I hope King Kong makes a billion dollars.

On another note, his production diaries are still going up online, although it's mostly geeky CGI stuff at this point. There are some really cool ones in the archives, though, including one with guest director Brian Singer. So if you watch those production diaries, you'll know that he's nowhere near as round as he was in this picture. He's lost a lot of weight. Peter Jackson made $200 million for LOTR and may receive up to $100 million more.

That Summer Slump, at the box office.

2005-06-28T03:44:00.000-07:00

So the box office just posted it's worst weekend since 1985, according to one measurement. I'm sure you're all thinking, I wonder what that blog I check out occasionally has to say about this. Luckily, here I am posting about it. Had I not taken this initiative, your secret inquiries might never have been answered. In the future, go ahead and leave a comment if you have a topic you'd like to hear my views on. I'll try and post a blog entry about anything you care to suggest. (Offer limited to ecclectic trivia/pop culture/internet minutae. No personal info.) Honestly the only reason I don't post more is because I'm not sure which of my ramblings the 16 of you who visit are responding to. What is it you want from me? I want to deliver. Just tell me.

Anywhozitz, for the past 18 weeks, the box office has underperformed compared to last year's numbers. That's a big deal anytime, but during summer it's especially notable. I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before the entertainment media start coughing up excuses for the big movie corporations. I swear, if they try to pin it on "internet pirates" I will shove a copy of Entertainment Weekly up their ass. I'm sure we'll hear a few words on rising DVD sales making up these lost profits and increased ticket prices to keep theaters afloat. But I think most of the words that we'll hear about this problem will be bullshit, a bunch of reactive solutions and rationalizations built around a problem that could be solved in a much more direct route. Sagging profits are not an inevitability, they are a result.

Obviously film geeks around the world can and do argue day and night about what is wrong with the movie industry, but I feel the droop in creativity now more than ever, so you're going to have to listen to my explanation. I'm sure I'm not the only who feels like Hollywood (other than Tom Cruise, of course) is really phoning it in this summer. I haven't anxiously anticipated the release of a single movie this summer. Nothing that's being released interests me. Perhaps it's because I've seen them all before:

I am not saying that all of these movies are bad, but look at that list. Doesn't it make you wonder what happened to the idea of MOVIES just a little bit? We seem to be in a completely different time in cinema from when, for an awkward, film school example, Scorsese was making Taxi Driver. Movies that are self contained events don't happen as often any more. Now it's franchises, hopeful franchises, remakes, adaptations all day long.

But movie companies have made sequels and franchises forever (Chaplin, in some ways. old serials). Adaptations are also nothing new. Once in a while, this produces a good film. Check out Sin City as a good, recent example of this. Sometimes other media can give someone great inspiration for a movie. More often than not, espeically these days, it is an excuse to be lazy, a crutch. I don't want to judge the above films too harshly. I haven't seen most of them, but I enjoyed Episode III for what it was. What I don't enjoy is when I know the iconography of the movie before I go in, there I said it. I think this prior knowledge of the story, locations, characters and actions might make some people feel like they don't need to see the film! Shocking! Finally I shit out a thesis. Better not push myself too hard.

Movies, like the wonderful children of this world, need to be allowed to be themselves and to find out what kind of stories they are.

Great Ideas Made Possible by the Internet; Pt. 1

2005-06-21T02:37:00.000-07:00

Please take a moment from your busy lives to check out a new website that has hit the scene. It's hosted on our very own blogger site. Click here (pops) to check it out.

I hesitate to call this site a blog, however, because I have heard that the guy who posted all of these immediately got himself a couple of book deals. I have to admit that it's one of the most innovative and touching projects I've heard of in a while. The organizer has asked people, literally anyone, to write him their deepest, darkest secret on a postcard and mail it to him. Of course, it's all anonymous for anyone who chooses to participate. So there's a strange blend of anonymity, creativity and catharsis going on here and some of the cards that come out of it are really incredible. I got a few goosy bumps.

I'm glad that someone was able to get a book deal off of such a great idea, also. I think this site got a lot of attention. I know the creator was interviewed on NPR and it was really interesting. I wish I could find you a link but laziness prevails on this one. I doubt most of you are even interested in this site. I'm just trying to cram a little culture into your already too full palate. Choke to death, you bastards. Choke on your own lust for information.

Bear Face

2005-06-19T17:29:00.000-07:00

It's President Kennedy callin' me up

2005-06-14T02:52:00.000-07:00

In honor of one of my favorite lyrics from one of my favorite songs (Bob Dylan, I Shall Be Free), may I present:

Brigitte Bardot

Anita Ekburg

Sophia Loren

Just like I love going back through music history by downloading mp3's, I also love to go back and look at the beautiful women the world has produced. I only wish media had always been so prevalent, but I can't imagine there being any more porn than there already is. Imagine some of the seriously, twisted decadent stuff that would have come out of Ancient Rome.

Perhaps my devotion to finding pictures of beautiful women has something to do with the recent deathblow to my former obsession, Katie Holmes. It's a struggle to even type her name. She is dead to me. Read about it here. (pops) Of course, there's no way to know how deeply involved she is with the group. You know you won't get an objective statement from the church and their cookie cutter press releases must be rewritten by at least 50 PR men before being "spoken".

Anyway, with Katie Holmes out I'm on the search and back on the scene. Here's one lady who might have fit right in with the other names in Bob Dylan's song if she had been around.

Eva Longoria... That has to be one of the sexiest names I have ever said out loud. Try it. You'll get turned on.

PSH

2005-06-12T04:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight, at The Bigfoot Lounge, a friend of a friend insisted that I look just like Philip Seymour Hoffman.

So I guess I'm doing all right. We were quoting his movies as much as we could remember, which wasn't much. Beer kills brains.

Summer movie begin. Widgets on

2005-06-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith last night, along with a Q&A with Doug Liman. The movie was good, I recommend it to any one looking for a crazy, action filled love story between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie... oh man. She is the best part of this movie by leaps and bounds. She is incredible, and we get to see her play with knives a ton i this movie. Liman seemed cool. Sounds like he's a hard guy to work with if you don't understand what he's doing. Lucas Foster, who co-produced this movie, seemed to get along fine with him. They were able to joke about squeezing money out of the studio. I think the final budget on the thing was like 130 million. It's amazing it even got made.

I finally upgraded to OS X Tiger. Let me just say that anyone using a PC isn't getting access to their information as efficiently as they should be. Don't be angry, I am only here to help you. I am posting this from a Widget, basically just to see if it works.

Grabon and Uhlarik, BFF?

2005-06-07T01:39:00.000-07:00

Check it out, on my latest posting I will include a link and a picture! Both of these events commemorate the release of probably the best short film on the internet to date. I always knew it would take balls to tackle the issues of Anonymous Hackers, but finally here is a film that stands up to those questions and demands answers.

Link!

After viewing this film, your life will change for the better. This is a guarantee of the world wide web (www).

P.S.!!! I noticed a spike in blog traffic early last week. I was perplexed. Then I realized that I posted two of the few known pictures of Danica Patrick that day. I found some more so I guess if I ever need a blog-ego-boost I can just post them.

More Danica Patrick Please

2005-05-31T20:28:00.000-07:00

Call me whatever you want, but I am in love with Danica Patrick. She is a media darling right now, but she is also a darling of my heart. How poetic!!! I started following her when I was in Atlantis on vacation. She was all over the news and on Letterman. Then one morning I woke up early and saw the Indy 500 going on. I can't believe I watched the whole thing.

I have been obsessed with Danica Patrick ever since, but for the sake of Titus, where are the pictures of her? The internet is usually such a wasteland of media, but I can't find hardly any pictures of Danica, especially pictures that don't involve her car. Maybe next time I should have a crush on someone other than a racecar driver.

I hope she stays in the forefront of the media and appears in lots of magazines. I really hope for a tour of those trashy men's mags before the final jump to Playboy and then, finally, my single room bachelor apartment. So hot. So hot.

So please, if you have love in your hearts, please keep me updated on any pictures you have of this ridiculously beautiful woman. I've always dreamed of dating a woman who drives faster than me.

More A?

2005-05-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

PICTURE OF A REAL LIFE MORAY EEL WHOSE PICTURE I TOOK. (eel in tank. me outside of tank. i am not a scuba diver, just an aquarium looker)

Getting Things Done

2005-05-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to show you the cult-like organization methods that a lot of people, myself included, swear by. This is broken down on about a million places on the web, so I'm not going to work too hard at it.

I got David Allen's book, Getting Things Done, a couple of months ago. It's not the most riveting book ever, but the ideas are solid and the philosophies are really great. The main thesis of the book is that stress is a result of lots of open loops, or unfinished, nagging projects that pop up from time to time in your brain. You can probably think of 100 such things right off the bat. Anyway, by emptying your head of those things and putting them into some kind of trusted system, you can get all those things off your mind. Even with tons of things to do, it is possibly to be very calm and efficient.

This method is based in this book, but this being the internet, some nerds have taken it farther. A couple of great blogs regarding productivity: Lifehacker (part of the Gawker media EMPIRE) and 43 Folders. Lifehacker is more of your everyday tips, whereas 43 folders is more of a "Getting Things Done" and "Using your Mac productively" center. Both of them, though, have roots in the GTD book.

Finally, via Lifehacker, is the coolest little wiki I have found. The GTDTiddlyWiki (I never had to type that out before... now I feel a little, well, nerdy). This is a little guy that you download to your computer and update at your leisure. It's fully interactive, you can edit almost anything on the page. Lifehacker has a better description of it here.

Anyway, I can't say that these methods will work for everyone, nor that I will even use them for that long. The system works for me, but maybe it's only because it's encouraged me to ACT rather than sit around and THINK or WORRY. It might have nothing to do with the system. This video shows some of the same ideas, but is kind of nerdy. What about this post isn't nerdy though? I know...

What? Still nerdy? Damn, picky mofos!! Here, take your pick. Hot Seventh Heaven or hot Scientologist?

The Coop

2005-05-09T14:45:00.000-07:00

It's bad to have a blog because it can hang over your head when you're not posting. And the weekly traffic reports I signed up for back when I was pretty good about posting... they don't look so good these days. I usually manage to stay above zero hits/day, though. I'm kinda proud of that.

It's good to have a blog because even after weeks or sometimes months of not posting, I can still have a place to permanently record weird things that happen to me. Today isn't the weirdest day ever yet, but it at least should be called "wtf???"

I have been walking my dog through different parts of the neighborhood lately on long, rambling walks. It's great to do this in LA because you never know where you're going to come across some bizarre and seemingly out of place building or structure. Anyway, this post is gonna get long if I go on like this. So I see lots of great places for movie shots or photographs or even paintings, whatever your preferred medium is. One of the spots is a great, semi-secluded highway overpass with a view south on the 101. I love the shot there. The audio would be horrible, but I love it. I'll get a picture of it for you cats.

Anyway, I'm walking towards the overpass today, and I see some cops and people milling around over there. I get closer and realize it's a film crew. All right, could be anything. Then I realize they're at my spot. I'm cursing as I walk towards the shoot. I get closer and my fears are confirmed. They're in my shot! Realizing I have no recourse, I at least hope they're shooting something cool.

Instead:

The Coop! Cooper Anderson of CNN! In my neighborhood, on my overpass. He looks so plastic and polished even in real life. I thought he was animatronic. I was looking at him and laughing. I bet he was doing some stupid story on traffic in LA being bad. God do I hate cable news. SEARING HATRED.

Anyway, I continue on my walk and then I come home to check my good old mail. I get really embarrassed when my Rolling Stone with Orlando Bloom on the cover falls out of my mailbox in front of a cute girl. Then I realize how many envelopes in there are from the government and run upstairs, only to see that I have made about $1000 while I was out on my walk. I love the government!

So that's the story of my weird day. I'm more writing this for myself than any of you cock-knockers, but I hope you enjoyed it. IN OTHER NEWS, one of the seminal blogs of all time, It all starts here... has gone under!!! I support a heavy email, telephone and backrub circle for Steve-o until he is well enough to entertain us again. GET THAT BLOG BACK UP, MISTER, OR I WILL SICK COOPER ANDERSON ON YOUR ASS.

Ramblin

2005-05-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

Boy, that was some adventure, wasn't it? I'll never forget it.

I refuse to blog about Coachella. It was awesome, though.

Somehow my genius plan of using my unemployment time to be super-productive isn't coming through in the end... so bizarre!!!

As if you bastards deserve to know

2005-04-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

I really recommend that everyone go see Kung Fu Hustle. If you miss oldschool Bugs Bunny cartoons and the like, this is your type of violence. If you want to reinforce your young son's masculinity with violence, but he can't get through Sin City without crying, take him to this. It's funner than a million dollars.

So you are the bitches who still read my blog, huh? Whoever you are, why don't you just abandon this blog instead of haunting it like ghosts? Write a comment or yell at me or something. If you don't, you're nothing but a big fairy. Such a big fairy that you are too big for your wings and can't even enjoy the best part of being a mystical fairy, the power of flight. So you basically just walk around looking stupid, which is what I always said would happen to you.

You know, I'm getting a little tired of you always coming and looking at my blog like it's some kind of peep show! I'm not going to show you my schlong, so if that is why you come here, you can just leave! And take a piss in your pants on the way out you piss stinking bastards!

Shit. I feel bad now. I'm sorry. I need to be alone for a while.

Shamless Plug

2005-04-16T00:28:00.000-07:00

Everyone has seen this emu picture around before, but only one bored/boring ass mofo decided to make a movie out of it.

That's right, 20minuteprod.com

Why? Nobody knows and also nobody cares. So why are you even asking? Do you need to know why? Well, mister, I think that is pathetic. If you can't go through life with a little mystery hanging in your overalls, then you're a spoiled brat and you don't even deserve an emu movie in the first place. GOOD DAY, SIR!

Award for Goodness

2005-04-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

I think this is the most amazing video I have ever seen in your life. (Windows Media)

Not really, but since I don't have MTV anymore I don't see very many music videos anyway. Wait, nobody sees many music videos anymore... I wish there were a better forum than sleazy cable tv channels to show videos in. The internet is there, of course, as you can see from this post, but there hasn't been much of a concerted effort to get music videos organized online.

A pretty good list of videos has been circulating. That's where I found this Gorillaz video, which I hope to discuss now. PS - Watch the video before I overhype it for you...

Click me for the video.

I don't know who's rapping for the Gorillaz anymore. Obviously Del is hard to replace, but this new guy has a good flow. The more I listen to the song, the more I like it, but I was too busy admiring the video to even hear the song the first time. I really love the juxtaposition they set up between the rapper in live action, coming through all crackly and the cartoons as they just float around in the clouds on a FLOATING WINDMILL. The last shot sold it for me. Way to tell a story quickly! Very awesome.

Anyway, listening to this song about 4 times has made me excited to hear the whole new album. I might even catch them on tour, if all my friends don't bail on me. Gotta go, a car just crashed outside my window.

Observations 24.5280249

2005-04-07T23:29:00.000-07:00

I was on a walk with my dog once when she was a puppy. There was a discarded mattress on the sidewalk. I picked her up and put her on it. She seemed to think it was strange.

Now, a year later, every time we pass a thrown out mattress she will walk on top of it. Isn't that weird?

Kung Fu Hustle

2005-03-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

This one just came into my radar and I feel like my posting on movie trailers is somehow incomplete without it.

Presenting:

Kung Fu Hustle

I wish I could post a few stills from this movie, because it really looks awesome. Check out the trailer. It's like western-musical-slapstick-period movies all wrapped in the delicious shell of an awesome kung fu flick. I feel like I've had a semester of film school just watching post-modern schizophrenic stuff like this.

LA and NY get this on April 8th. Everyone else has to wait until the 22nd. At least by then you'll know if it's any good or not.

Trailer Review

2005-03-21T09:47:00.000-08:00

Hold your breath, little kiddies, as we take a look at some of the trailers for upcoming movies!

Let's begin with a couple of movies from our good old Texas partner, Richard Linklater. Seems he's pulling a one two punch. One of the last things I'm sure anyone would have expected would be for Linklater to become a mainstream director. It's almost as if he's starting an entirely new career for himself, directing films for people who don't know or care who he is. His latest is The Bad News Bears. I'm sure a lot of Linklater fans will feel much more betrayed by all this than I do. Altough I wish he'd picked an original story to tell, Linklater's abilities can't be denied. School of Rock was better than any of the schlocky, poorly put together family movies out there. Linklater is a talented storyteller, even in movies whose basis is their lack of a story like Slacker. I'm actually glad that he's using his ability to make better movies for a mainstream audiences (particularly children). Besides, who can resist Billy Bob Thorton with kids? I probably won't spring into theaters to see this thing, but I hope it does well. I want Linklater to be able to pull of this kind of two-faced approach to directing. First the safe, family picture and then...

The arty new rotoscoped movie, A Scanner Darkly. OK, so the visual process looks similar/identical to what he did in Waking Life. I'll try to leave that behind me. This is a Linklater movie that I will jump out and see. I'm interested to see if the visual style really emphasizes the story like it did in Waking Life. The cast on this thing reads like a who's who of actors who crave indie cred. Really, this movie has a powerhouse cast of overrated actors, excluding Woody Harrelson. "The two hemispheres of my brain... are competing?" KEANU!!!! I should be more excited about a visually amazing Linklater adaptiation of a Philip K. Dick novel. I'm sure the movie will prove me wrong, this trailer and the performances in it don't do much for me, though.

In other news, Steve Buscemi must actually like working for Michael Bay. Here's the latest forgettable summer "blockbuster", The Island. My money's on Michael Clarke Duncan not escaping with all those cute people in WHITE suits. Michael Bay lets the black man die so you may live.

Despite never making an impression (positive or negative) in his entire career, Scott Caan is able to write and direct his own film. I won't say much about this film, since it may well be good, but the trailer is about as disjointed as you can get, isn't it. And the title is Dallas 362, which doesn't exactly shed light on the whole fiasco.

That's all the trailers I can handle this week. Of all the movies listed, I am most likely to see A Scanner Darkly. I don't think Linklater doing sci-fi can go wrong. I'm surprised he hasn't done one before now. OK people, so I'll see you at the movies!!!!

No, I'm not ending like that. That was bullshit.

20MinuteProd.com!!!!

2005-03-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

It is finally here! My own internet website that I made on a computer screen!!! Please feel free to check it out and let me know what you think.

20minuteprod.com

I'm gonna leave this sweet, sweet banner up for a while. It has aliens and shit on it, as you can see. I think it's a much better use of that space than those stupid ads ever were. Click on it anytime to check my website. I hope to post new content to it every so often, and I'll let you guys know when I do.

Tell ur friends and sandwich lovers!

Peoples get ready!

2005-03-05T04:59:00.000-08:00

All yallz!!! I can now unveil my fiendish plan upon the world. My website will soon be up, running and raping all the white women! I am posting at 5 AM, that's too much work on the site. Anyway, everybody's gonna be in on this thing, so tell your mother and everyone.

Lil Jon is my hype man on this project!!! WHAATTTT??????

The site will be hosting some things I have done, short movies and writings and things of that nature. I'll tell you more, OR BETTER YET SHOW YOU, once the site is at least 80% complete.

That's all for now. Goodbye from the It's Complicated Lounge.

2005-02-25T23:29:00.000-08:00

Time sure flies when you're not posting, huh? Let's do it!

LLEIN:CINE:OCVINA:COIUNCVNOIUSAVOUINWQE POUB )O{H RP*HP$FB:Dvbpfg981prt08g1240aqwerfq3gbn ;ovHBf

The RME is teh r0x0rz

2005-02-18T15:27:00.000-08:00

I guess with all the new casualties and injuries the army has been facing, they have let their drug policy slip a bit.

Ecstasy being tested on American soldiers suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Finally someone is tapping into the many positive aspects of this drug. For your drug-awareness lesson today, please know that MDMA was being used as a theraputic tool as late as the 80's before the huge backlash. Lately, we've been told of the horrors of ecstasy by everyone from the government to the mainstream news media to MTV. The fear-mongering might be subsiding... or maybe it's just taking a backseat to bloodlust and keeping homos from getting divorced (or is it married? What's the difference anymore?)

Anyway, sorry to preach. Let's hope the army sees some positive resluts from this for the soldiers' sake and for the sake of ecstasy's reputation.

Who will be the soul survivor (other than Jesus, of course)?

2005-02-17T13:21:00.000-08:00

Don't mean to binge on posting, but what kind of corporate whore would I be without mentioning that Survivor: Palau is premiering tonight!

Yes, all my hard work has finally paid off and the people who gave me money are putting the show on the air tonight! Thursday night! AND THEY SAY THE TWISTS AND TURNS JUST DO NOT STOP!!! *cough*bullshit*cough*

Anyway, here's a quick rundown of some of the contestants:

Worst to transcribe, 6'8" man-child and friend to dolphins, Ian. This guy talks like a 5 year old child who just saw an alien.

Biggest fake boobs on a Mormon girl, Ashlee.

Hottest (for my money), Jen.

Stephenie comes in a very close second. She's really hot and buff, but every photo of her I've seen off the island looks... less good. Too much makeup.

Gayest contestant who my cousin and aunt used to get their hair cut by until deciding he was too gay, Coby.

So if you like the show, tune in. I can say that this group of contestants puts on a much better show than those people from Survivor 9 did. Those posers!! THEY ARE NOT SURVIVORS!!! And there is some cool shit that I can't tell you about.... so tune in!!! Or you might miss THIS EXCITING SCENE:

Get a life, you creeps!!!

2005-02-17T12:41:00.000-08:00

Man, so a ton of people (none) have been emailing and IMing me about this blog. Don't you have anything better to do? Seriously, just because you can't read my words you think you can complain about it? I have news for you, sour friends: People in other countries don't even have enough food. So think about that next time you send me an email. A starving kid.

Well, I'm not making any promises (Cop-out King!), but hopefully I'll be posting a bit more often in the future. For today, let me talk about a few cool movie trailers:

- Who is this guy and why haven't I heard of him before? Bitchin falsetto.

- This is the cycle: awesome horror/thriller movie trailer, I get excited, movie comes out to awful reviews, I never see the movie. It's a really sad cycle. You should have seen the research I did to be ready for White Noise. Well, The Jacket might just be another one of those movies or it might be as good as the trailer is. Awesome suspense, supernatural conspiracies, Kiera Knightley and really stylish. IF THE THOUGHT OF BEING LOCKED UP IN THAT FILE CABINET DID NOT SCARE YOU THEN YOU ARE A BRAVE SOUL, BUT YOU ARE LUCKY I DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE THINGS OR I WOULD PUT YOU IN IT.

- And finally.... we finally have a full trailer for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!!!! Unfortunately for now, you have go to go Amazon's main page and play it from there. It's worth it though. The trailer is awesome, Mos Def looks hilarious and those effects are sweetsweetsweet.

I'm pumped to see Guide. I'll probably see it on the dome at the Arclight if I can. It would really mean a lot to me. The Jacket I hope I'll see, but it just depends on if it's really any good. And that other one I will probably end up catching on IFC or Sundance someday. So many good indie movies, so little time. Especially when all my time is going into watching the Hitchhiker's Guide trailer 4 times a day and finding pictures of Kiera Knightley.

2005-01-27T15:58:00.000-08:00

Funny reality movie/social commentary.

Props to Screenhead.

QuArK

2005-01-26T15:22:00.000-08:00

I don't update much these days, but this one is definitely something special. I told RGD that it was maybe my favorite Quark of all times. This may be true. I'm not sure. I'll have to check the backlogs.

But this is definitely a great video. Pass it around!

What Would Jesus Play???

2005-01-16T03:27:00.000-08:00

WWJP?
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Limited time offer!!! Act now!!

middle finger

2005-01-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

In the latest adventures of Quark, our invading heroes get trapped in an Earth eating facility. In a daring escape, they trash the place and go on the road in primitive Earth technology.

Will they make it out alive? or be caught in some sort of variable time stasis field by the end?

You think my blog roxx??? WELL DON'T EXPLODE! BECAUSE MY EWBSTIE IS SO 1337!!!!! It miht maek u EXPLOD!!1!1eleven1!!

Max Shit

2005-01-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

The fine people over at Apple today unveiled their latest step towards invading your brain. But honestly, if I were to allow any corporation into my brain, it would be Apple. Think how streamlined and aesthetically pleasing all your thoughts would be! Awesome.

First, iPod Shuffle:

Up to 1 Gig hard drive for your listening/file storing needs. There's no LCD screen so the files come on totally randomly. You just toss in a playlist and it cycles for you. Always more and more random, into a sea of chaos encapsuled in shiny, porcelainesque white. I'll take one. Please get me the 1 gig model.

Secondly, and more awesomely, Mac mini:

Take a look at this if you think you can keep your eyeballs in their sockets. Pure, simple, beauty. Imagine this, imagine this. You can go anywhere with your computer (or at least all the important files) tucked away in your backpack. All you need is access to a monitor anywhere across the globe and you can access everything just like it was never gone. I don't know how many of you are like me, but I actually miss my computer when I am away. I miss my computer and my dog. In that order. Check out the specs on the thing, if you think you're so cool. Go ahead! Buy me the most expensive one!

Unfortunately, since I just blew so much money on my G5, I don't think I'll be blessing myself with any of this bountiful goodness. At the rate Apple is going, if I just wait a year I'll be able to get both a mini-PC and an iPod in one. The anticipation!!!!!

Also, a special shout out to my good friend Sara for telling me about this shit so I could geek off all over it... Sorry if I got any geek on you...

DOOOOOOMMM!!!!!

2005-01-10T22:23:00.000-08:00

Dorkus Malorkus
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Sorry for the lack of postings. I am working, honest to God I am.

I'm doing my best. That's all I can do, brothers and sisters! THAT IS ALL I CAN DO!

No Post Today.

2005-01-09T01:09:00.000-08:00

Ha! You suck! I wasted your time!

I'm just trying to make you smile

2005-01-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

- First and foremost, just take a quick peak at what the future could hold...

IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL PRODUCT. JUST A WET DREAM.
I think the specs are kind of misleading, because the hard drive will want to hold songs, pictures, and anything the phone needs. I hope by the time we see these awesomes technology will be able to accomodate like a 50 gig hard drive (at least). I want me some...

- Click here for an article detailing the drug habits (mostly the pot habits) of the entire cast of Oceans 12. Why anyone would write this article is beyond me, but it's nice to know that I would fit right in with most of these people... if I were beautiful.

- Things like this make it hard for me to take our government seriously. The war on terror is keeping us safe.

- What really makes this story jump right off the page is the "Report:" before the headline. Other than that, who gives a fuck? The superwealthy swapping spit. I think the ties of wealth are much stronger than any of the red/blue stuff.

- I forgot to tell you, you're stupid.

- I just realized Black Knight has been on my television for an hour. So in conclusion:

No, I'm just fucking with you. Here's the real conclusion:

Drone - Short Fiction

2005-01-06T16:04:00.000-08:00

The atmosphere in the little room that the 6 of us call an office is getting more and more dense. Every day when I open the doors the foul stench of it smacks me in the face and robs me of any moments of happiness I may be experiencing. Five sets of soulless eyes stare back at me. The monitors seem to have zapped all of the colors from their skin and their clothes and everything looks like it has a thick layer of zombie puke all over it. I wand to kick them in their fucking faces and smash their computers on the ground, but I sit down at my station and crunch the numbers like a good little...

øverhead a speaker starts blaring. Dynasty 7 to the garage. Dynasty 7 to the garage. What the fuck are they talking about? They never tell me anything, those passive aggressive bastards. I look at my co-workers. None of them seem to have heard anything. Simons has a trail of blood coming from his ear, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. I tell him, hey Simons, your ear is bleeding. He looks up. Hey Simons! Wipe that dirty, filthy blood off your ear. I don't know what kinda disease you got! It's gonna get all crusty!!

Shiela pukes. She's a sensitive girl, but she pukes gallons and gallons of flourescent green all over the carpetted floor. I tell her, Shiela! That's gross! Take it outside! Simons wipes his nose, but not his ear and goes back to work. The stench of the puke hits me and I projectile all over my own computer. I had eaten a healthy breakfast, too. What a crock. Now it's not doing me any good. I could've eaten whatever if I was just gonna puke.

My computer starts going beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbee-fzzzzzzzzz. A spark flies out of it and lands on Roger. He's wearing some stupid hat, but it catches fire fast. Am I the only one who ever talks around this joint? Roger! Take off your fucking hat, man! Your head is going to burn up and sizzle up like a little raisin in the sun. Roger, jovial to the end, rolls his eyes, laughs, and then the flesh melts off his skull and drips onto his keyboard.

Now that's just fucking gross. No wonder we lost our company health insurance with shit like this going on. Shiela sniffs, smiles and looks at Roger before puking again. Simons' ear is still bleeding, but now his nose and eye sockets, too.

I could give a fuck about the other two, they're both new. They seem to just be watching. They seem to think this is normal. One of them pulls out a ringing cell phone, but he checks the caller ID and says no way. I look at the clock. Fucking a. It's alread noon and I haven't crunched a single number.

Somehow, by two o'clock I have killed myself with a gun I brought into work. I had meant to shoot Roger. C'est la vie. The two new employees stand there poking my body. One of them pokes my eyeball until it pops and they laugh like idiots. Shiela likes them, though. So does Simons. They kind of laugh, all of them. It's a weird sound, like a cheese grater being rubbed on a tree trunk. Their lungs sound dusty. Finally, Shiela speaks up. There now, see what fun we can have with that big meanie gone? The two idiots laugh and hug each other. One of them draws this on a dry-erase board.

My ex-wife had gotten me that job and I had been so grateful for it.

Stop the presses!

2005-01-05T09:46:00.000-08:00

This blog will be sorted out by news items. Like FLASH.

- 55-19?!?!

I got an ulcer worrying about this game since all I did on vacation was watch college football. After Cal got spanked by TT I wasn't feeling that comfortable. My time in Oklahoma didn't help as my cousins dominated me at Madden 2005. I played as USC and they played as OU. OU must have lost all their luck on the video game, though. God bless SC and don't it feel good to be da national champs.

- This story is the reason I love the internet. I did a quick internet search on what a "bulk toilet" might be, but with no conclusive resluts. Let's hope little Joey didn't get too tired out "discarding the product sticker".

- I decided to start collecting comics again. I know it lowers my chances of getting laid even more, but come on! Look at this cover art!

- Text messaging is the new car phone

- Hahahahahahahahaha. U2 sucks.

- Hahahahahahahahaha. Ashlee Simpson sucks.

- And in my spare time I like to kick a little rhyme. I like to kick back and watch The Surreal Life. My favorite ones are with Flavor Flav, but Eric Estrada has some funny shit to say.

- I wonder if they can take my blog away from me? After this post, I think they are going to. Goodbye readers!

Post-Holiday Greetings

2005-01-03T01:07:00.000-08:00

Who and how are you?

I hope you had a great time over the holidaze with your families. I feel like I just drifted through my vacation in a fog of sleeping 10 hours a day and visiting my awesome relatives. It was one of the more relaxed, but enjoyable vacations I've had.

Enjoy 2005! I brought in the New Year by hanging out with my brother and his friends, watching The Fog and A Fish Called Wanda and doing that thing I do.

Sorry, don't mean to turn this into an "all-about-me-blog".

But I did get a Tivo. And I'm watching The Surreal Life.

Soon soon soon I will be back to La-La Land and all the cuckoo birds there. I know about 5 normal people. Can you believe that? I have met an average of one sane person for every year I've been in LA... or maybe I'm the insane one.

One more thing, random. I'm watching an episode of The Surreal Life where they go to a nudist colony with a lot of older people in it. I'm SO GLAD that I don't transcribe or log for that show.

God Bless The Probst.

I like getting tickets

2004-12-22T18:56:00.000-08:00

If you're wise, you'll do what I just did and buy tickets to go see Gomez at the House of Blues on January 17th. I only bought one ticket to this bad boy, but they have been on sale for a month and aren't sold out yet, so I think you'll still do fine. You should really go.

NOW MORE ON GOMEZ

Actually, I don't know what to say other than great. I can't even imagine the show these guys will put on live. Anyway, I need to order a pizza so I gotta go.

[P.S. I still have a ticket for the Bright Eyes show on Saturday the 12th of Febuary. Face is 30. It's at the The Orpheum for jihad's sake.]

Blake is a pussy, and crazy also!

2004-12-22T05:18:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my friend Joe for directing me to a pretty cool and somewhat accurate (interesting, at least) personality test. Here's my resluts:

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results

Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	48%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	68%
Activity Level	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Excitement-Seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	45%
Enthusiasm	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	51%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	45%
Trust	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Morality	\|\|\|	3%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	89%
Modesty	\|\|\|\|\|\|	16%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	69%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	51%
Confidence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Neatness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	44%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	45%
Achievement	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Self-Discipline	\|\|\|	9%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	72%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	41%
Volatility	\|\|\|\|\|\|	17%
Depression	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Self-Consciousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Impulsiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	93%
Vulnerability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Artistic Interests	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	93%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	92%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	87%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	92%
Liberalism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	87%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	89%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Is anyone else not surprised at all that my "Emotional Stability" is only 40%?? It's the narcissist in all of us that takes these things.

After these messages...

2004-12-22T04:59:00.000-08:00

I Want Something.

2004-12-15T02:18:00.000-08:00

Can someone get me a copy of the promo for Aqua Teen Hunger Force that's airing on Adult Swim right now? You know the one... if you know it... Blue is my new favorite color.

Here's your change and fuck you very much.

Let the bling come rolling in

2004-12-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

As you can see from the addition of ads to my page, I have recently branched out into the world of high finance. I think this new venture will prove to be very profitable and bring in at least .03 dollars ever 2 months. We are talking about income that I can use for any purpose, including car payments and payments on moneys incommunicado.

You can probably tell from this post that I have been doing tons of research on my newfound money status. My newest escrow is now in a flat 6.0% financing group!!! Apart from moving accounts around, I have looked up a number of terms. For example:

Mortgage
Pre-Approved 2.9% Financing
Karate
Money Marketting Account
Eviction Notice
A swimming pool filled with money!!!

So you know what to do. Make me rich!!! So that I may take over this wretched planet and dominate you like the subservient slaves you are!!! NO ONE I THINK IS IN MY TREE!!!!!! NO ONE!!!!!!

Sexy Beast

2004-12-01T20:24:00.000-08:00

Beautiful iPod
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

I think the iPod is the sexiest piece of equipment that I own other than my johnson. I have the newer one than this model. I am the kingest of the kings.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

LOHAN!!! GET YOUR LOHAN HERE!!!

2004-12-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to make today my highest traffic day ever, I give you the following:

A link to pictures of Lindsay Lohan enjoying her Thanksgiving break. The funny story is that one of her doofy friends put up the pictures on Picture Trail and now everyone can see Lohan cruising around with a blunt.

If there's anything hotter than a just turned 18 volumptuous redhead, it's a just turned 18 volumptuous redhead on weed.

Check out the snap. She's freaking adorable!

QUARK!

2004-11-30T18:03:00.001-08:00

Image jacked from, um, Richard-Darge.com

If you haven't checked out Richard-Darge.com yet then you are so stupid. I have checked it out a million times. I AM THE SUPER TARGET!!!

I am going to post to the new Quarks whenever they come out. They get updated alla time. I think Quark is the sound of a duck being run over by a big truck while it's walking across the road. QUARK! Then the duck is dead.

NEW QUARK!

Wanna come to the feel bad revolution?

2004-11-29T23:48:00.000-08:00

Eyes so bright!
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

To avoid the craziness I was going through right before the Morrissey show, I am taking the time to formally announce that I bought tickets to the Bright Eyes show in Febuary. I'm looking for someone to go with me and I have pretty good tickets.... eh???? EH?????? EH???????

There are still tickets available for this show, so if you want to grab your own feel free. It's a free country. So feel free. This is going to be a great show. I can't wait. I'm going to go out and pick up the latest albums from Bright Eyes and spin, spin, spin them. I'll let you know how it goes.

And of course, stay tuned to this blog for a full report on the concert... in two months. Let me know if you're interested.

Emerson was right; it all starts here, and it's complicated.

2004-11-29T18:12:00.000-08:00

A confluence of forces such as has never been seen before!! It would take a round table forum with Al Einstein, Kurt Vonnegut, MC Hammer, Harry Potter, Benjamin Franklin, Genghis Khan and The Karate Kid to equal the force and power that the threesome pictured below has.

Emerson was right; it all starts here, and it's complicated.

As you can see this all took place at a bar. Although we tried to get in the right order we were unable to even attain that simple task. It's just a lot harder to make things look good in the real world than it is on the interweb.

On that note, please no making fun of the unphotogenic blogmaster. He had been drinking.

A very clear post.

2004-11-29T04:09:00.000-08:00

I have a ton of cool photographic images that I'd like to share with you all from my trip to FW, TX (that's an abbreviation for "Fort Worth, Texas" which is my hometown and is located in the USA [that's an abbreviation for "United States of America"] on the planet Earth somewhere out there).

I ran into a problem, however, when I realized that my digital photos eat up space on my flickr account faster than a shark eats up fish entrails; as a result I have exceeded my monthly limit from them.

So this post is to say what the fuck? Anyone know any good spots to upload photos?

I have an internet to break...

A link that has no relevance to you!

2004-11-23T23:32:00.000-08:00

Hi, friends,

I am going on a vacation to F-Dub, sweet Fort Worth, Texas. I'm really looking forward to it, and to taking some time off from my life here in The City of "Angels". I sure haven't seen any angels here.

Anyway, while I'm gone I will probably take a nice little break from blogging, except that I may chronicle the escapades of myself and the proprietor of It all starts here... if we happen to hit a few bars...

While I'm away I'm sure you'll want to be improving yourselves so that when I come back you can try and impress me. Please, as if. You are puny compared to me! Ha! But anyways, if you want to, check out this link on the web and learn a little about this great big internet that we all share. I love you guys.

P.S. The link is courtesy timanderic.com which I think has a lot of great comedy on it. Give it the once over. I'll probably post some of my favorites when I get back!

I hate you guys, from Blake.

If only all my posts were this good.

2004-11-23T02:40:00.000-08:00

Let me just say that those of you who check this entry are in for a real treat. Most of the time when I visit blogs, I'm not looking for anything spectacular. Usually I'm at work, trying to kill some time and find some unique perspectives on things.

There are times, however, when being on the widest of world webs, that one comes across something that is sure to make the day of anyone who watches it. Enjoy... Props to thighswideshut for the linkage.

Whether you laugh at the monkey, the karate or the man with the mullet is entirely up to you. Some of you may prefer to mix and match. Watch a few times. See what you're comfortable with. Really just ooze right into the comedic moment.

"Spinning Kick! Spinning Kick! Spinning Kick!"

I Believe!!!

2004-11-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

...in aliens!

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxy

2004-11-22T01:30:00.000-08:00

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

At the bottom of the sea

2004-11-21T21:36:00.000-08:00

SPARKS! (not by The Who)
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Hey fartfaces!

Every Sunday I'm sitting here (or wherever I am sitting) and I'm thinking, Jesus Christ. Next weekend I slow down. This weekend is no exception. I feel like I have been thrown down a flight of stairs both emotionally and physically. Time to refocus my attentions on what REALLY matters.

One of those things that really matters is Sealab 2021, which started airing it's new season last Sunday. Tonight is another new episode, so check it out wherever you are. It airs at 11:45 and then again at 2:45 AM. So check it out. It will also air two times Thursday at 12:15 and 3:15.

And as long as you're watching Sealab, check out Tom Goes To The Mayor, which is a new show. The first episode was pretty good and had both Tenacious D-ers in it. Also the show's crew features Bob Odenkirk, so you know it's something that we all have to support.

P.S. Don't blame Quinn, he voted for Kerry!

Oh, Detroit basketball fans!!!

2004-11-20T13:03:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'll post more about the brawl in Detroit later. It was one of the most intense events in recent sports history. Let's hope everyone can remain calm about this thing and not take any extreme measures.

But seriously, check this shit out.

DID YOU KNOW?

2004-11-20T03:02:00.000-08:00

Britney Fitness
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

DID YOU KNOW???

That Britney Spears had a track on her first album called "Email My Heart"???

I just bring you the information, people. What you do with it is up to you.

But may I suggest armageddon?

?

2004-11-20T01:21:00.000-08:00

I think that I would recognize 95% of the readers of my blog if I saw them. The only exceptions might be the people who stumble upon my site while doing searches for poronogorapohy online.

So, since I know that only my friends (or at least acquaintances) are reading this, I'll go ahead and try not to make you uncomfortable in the future by talking about things that might make you... uncomfortable. So my new sexual karate techniques will have to be published elsewhere.

Be not so sorry for what you've done.

2004-11-19T01:48:00.000-08:00

Tweedy Rocks
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Well. That's that. Wilco rocked so hard so hard so hard that I fell to the floor and just lay there convulsing.

I've been shaking shit up lately. I'm doing things a little differently. I even have a new favorite strong bad email to prove it. And I also have a new favorite contemporary band... it's, it's Wilco. Obviously.

The guys could take the songs to places you didn't even realize existed. They would take a riff you love and do someting entirely different and entirely awesome.

OK? So if you don't believe me get a life! It means you are so dumb that you don't agree with me.

Jeff Tweedy said something like "I'm tired of blue states and red states. We're purple at best."

And then Nick fainted on the plane ride home.

2004-11-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

BOSTON BASTAHDS
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Here they are. The two hardest partiers in Los Angeles during the weekend of November 11th. We had a fucking awesome time with these guys starting on Thursday when they got into town and we all immediately went to Sharkeez (Hermosa Beach, of course). We partied with some cool people and all got stupid, stupid, stupid.

We bought alcohol and brought it to a girl's freshman dorm to party. We didn't even have that many people. It was weird, but I think we could've made any place feel ok with the crew we had.

This was the drunkest weekend I have had in a very long time. I needed some time off after that. I'm still recovering and when I finally get back to my old self I'm going to visit Boston and catch a David Ortiz homerun ball at Fenway Park!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wicked, kid.

I need you to be unreasonably happy.

2004-11-18T15:34:00.000-08:00

Peace out to you too, Moz.
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

And now a quick note regarding the Morrissey concert. This took place a while ago, Friday November 12th, but I still remember it like it was four days ago.

The man came out onto a stage that was adorned with 10 foot flashing letters spelling out "MORRISSEY". He was dressed like a priest. Straight away he jumped into "How Soon Is Now?" Right after that he powered into "First Of The Gang To Die". It's all butter after an intro like that.

The crowd was filled to the brim. This was at Universal Amphitheater. When the lights shined on the crowd you saw every type of person you would never expect to see at a Morrissey concert, from the hipsters in front of me, to the Mexican father and his young son and daughter, to the older crowd and the crying lip-synchers.

The setlist was great. Morrissey was ON. He was joking and talking the entire time. He did two encores. As we walked out to avoid the crowd he started in on "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out". I once heard someone somewhere say that Morrissey is like our generations Frank Sinatra.

Now, a ubiquitous Morrissey quote:

Why did you give me
so much desire
when there is nowhere I can go
to offload this desire

Why did you give me
so much love
in a loveless world
when there is no one I can turn to
to unlock all this love

Why did you stick me in
self-deprecating bones and skin
Jesus - do you hate me?

Why did you stick me in
self-deprecating bones and skin
do you hate me? do you hate me?
do you hate me? do you hate me?

You all I understand! I mean don't understand!

2004-11-18T01:30:00.000-08:00

I've posted about Homestar Runner before. I think like 5 posts back, actually... but that was the old blog. I have been struggling for material recently.

The reason I'm posting on the Homestar again is that their latest email, #118, has captured the spot at the top of my top strongbad emails. Check it out if you can stand it, but don't say I didn't warn you?

Punctuation is, arbitrary?

Oh, fuck, is this thing still on?

2004-11-14T19:50:00.000-08:00

It sure was a long weekend. I will do some updates soon. Among the awesome shit in my life that I haven't had time to update you cats on is:

- My new computer
- My Job
- Great movies I seed!
- The visitation of some Boston mofo's

I had a clever joke or observation or something that was the whole reason i was posting.... i forgot it...

This isn't gonna be pretty

2004-10-27T01:30:00.000-07:00

Hello loyal readers, actually not so loyal when i'm not updating the site. You fickle little bastards,

Although I am tired and about to go to bed, Tom Grabon (yes, that one) sent me this video.

Watch it. Watch the whole thing. It gets better and better and weirder than an episode of Sealab 2021.

H to the R with a little child

2004-10-26T08:07:00.000-07:00

Homestar
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

If you don't check Homestar Runner every Monday of every week on your own, you are a freakin dumb old know-nothing. Get a grip and check out the best site on the internet.

Saying that, I know most of you probably don't check Homestar Runner every Monday. You certainly aren't as pathetic as me and check it on Sunday nights at 3 AM...

BUT ANYWAYS!!!!! Check out the link on the main page right now called "Puppetween" Check quick because they will probably archive it soon. It's probably the cutest thing ever seen on the web. I want to get a Homestar Runner for my kids to play with. A real one. Not a puppet.

Monologue - Transcendence in the blink of an eye - Yeah, FICTIONAL

2004-10-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

The worst part of the day is when I'm lying in bed, falling asleep. That's when the guilt comes. Someone said that darkness is the infinite that everyone carries within tghemselves, so infinity is just a blink away. The only limits at that point are ones we put on ourselves and I guess that's where I really understood my father's death for the first time.

At some point I guess we all drift away from something we love. We pretend to struggle, but how tightly do we really hold on? In a perfect world- well, in a perfect world things like apathy wouldn't exist... or maybe they would, I don't know. Human experience doesn't seem to be something with an answer. But separation, like I was saying, from something you love seems to be something that necessitates struggle. Like in footage of the Holocaust where Jewish families are kicking and screaming and cursing at the Nazis as they are dragged apart. Clinging to each other uselessly. Shouldn't all separations be like that? Wouldn't that be such a perfect world? When he died I wanted a painful separation. It would have been nice to at least have the sense that I tried.

So now I close my eyes, make what is physical go away and just see myself. And I don't see any thing. I want to prove them all wrong; I want the tangible to remain at least in some form, but it's no use. You can't fight infinity. Then I open my eyes again and I see that the world is just as I left it. But that's not comforting, not at all.

I was there! I was in the hospital; sitting in his room, right beside his bed! I loved into his eyes, the last one to ever look into his eyes. He smiled at me, but I couldn't help. My fingernails dug into the aluminum underneat the armrests of my chair. I could see in his eyes that his strength to fight was going, and the last thing he did, with his last functioning cells, he reached out to me. His hand was on the bed, stretching out, begging for mine. I don't know what he wanted: comfort, assurance, absolution, but I couldn't give anything to him. I fought back tears and my grip warped the chair. He looked at me and the smile disappeared and the arm relaxed.

So that was my separation with my father. Do I regret it? It's the biggest regret of my life. And all I have to do is close my eyes and I know that I would do it again.

Asslack. He's a jerkass.

2004-10-22T01:08:00.000-07:00

Well whatever. Affleck has sworn off action films. Three or four years too late. Here is a quote from him: "There's some irony to the fact that I want to do comedies and all these actors who already do comedies keep asking, 'When am I going to get to do my big serious thing?'"

I wonder which of his "big serious things" he's referring to. Probably Paycheck. Everything I hear about Affleck makes me hate him even more. I thought that would all change after He and J. Lo broke up, but he's only gotten worse.

Anyways, I wish he'd leave us all alone for a little longer.

Yankees suck. Yankees SUUUUUUUUCK.

2004-10-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

ORTIIIIIIIZZZZ!!!!!
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Are you watching this??? I have been keeping up with the SOX/yankees series as if my life depended on it. 6 hours of baseball? Yeah, I'll be there for each and every minute. I am praying for the Sox to win this thing and make HISTORY versus the freaking Yankers, I mean, Yankees. Yankees.

This is crazy. The best and most unbelievable series I have ever witnessed. The ALCS was amazing last season between the Sox and the Yankees. David Ortiz is my favorite Sock, and he's been a hero.

Now we're here in game six where we have seen a) The Yankees cheating and b) Arod basically coming out of the closet with his sissy-slap and c) The implimentation of a police state at Yankee Stadium.

And it's 4-2 ninth inning. Go Sox.

Tales from the big city

2004-10-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like yelling at one of your neighbors in the middle of the night to remind you that you're in a big city and nobody gives a fuck about you. But fuck them! Assholes.

So I accidentally set my car alarm off at 4 in the morning. Twice. Whatever! But this middle eastern guy has to start yelling at me through his window. I say sorry and try to walk off, but this guy has totally jihaded me.

"That fucking dog is better than you are," he yelled. Layla was with me. I started laughing and decided an insult that ridiculous deserved a retort just as ridiculous... so I started talking about his mother. "Your mother's better than you are."

I had caught him off guard, but I still wanted to clarify. "Your mother's better than you are in bed." He said fuck you back to me and then called me a "punk," which I felt good about since Green Day just had a number one album. I'm going to die my hair blue and teach Layla to sic balls.

Getting all swanned out!

2004-10-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

swans
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Yo! It's a picture of swans!

Yeah, I thought you'd like that. Anyway, there they are, beautiful and graceful and frozen in time. Someone signed this photo, but it was still the best one I could find in the google image search.

Well, I'm enjoying my time off. If you'd like to get a sample of what I've been working on, just email me and I'll hook you up.

Today it rained all day in Los Angeles. If the forecast is for good weather tomorrow, I am going hiking. I will probably hike to the top of a 3 mile tall mountain and take a look around. "Cool," I'll say, and then I'll climb back down.

I turn into a werewolf in this one...

2004-10-16T02:54:00.000-07:00

Allow me to please take a short break from "non-blogging" to bring you THIS. Please watch this and see the system take a shot in the eye. I'm sick and tired of partisans from either side trying to make me hate someone. More people like Jon Stewart should be attacking the news media for feeding us this constant line of bullshit. I'M FURIOUS! I'm FROTHING AT THE MOUTH!!! I'LL EAT YOUR CHILD'S SOUL!!!?#1

Update! Flash! Tuna Fish?

2004-10-05T13:55:00.000-07:00

Hey party people.

Sorry I haven't rapped at you in a while, but I have been mad busy! My latest descent into Office Space hell has ended, thankfully, and I've had lots of time to think about my plans and the future. I've had a few great times, also, with my newfound freedom.

In addition, my good friend Wes is in town from Austin! Give it up for Wes! (applause and hollers) Yes, Wes is a good man and showing him around LA has been fun. I always love visitors because it forces me to get out into this great city that I often take for granted.

I also, as of now, have tickets for THREE (3) upcoming shows!!! The list is a staggering testament to my incredible taste in music starting with Wilco, then Iron & Wine, and finishing off with that saddest of crooners, MORRISSEY! YES! Morrissey was the most expensive, but I think he needs the money because of his costly pomade habit, and if my concert ticket money contributes to the beautiful coif atop his head then I feel as if I've done a great service.

Questions? Comments? Feel free to email me. For those of you not down with clicking on links, that email address is blake.mitchell@gmail.com

Well, I know this post is a little indulgent, but I just waned to get back out there again. Peace to the hizzle.

Jay Leno = Diarrhea

2004-09-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

JayLenoWithNSYNC
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Although I am sick as dog shit, I felt inclined to pass this truly uplifting bit of news along to all of you out there. Our prayers have been answered and Jay Leno will be retiring in 2009.

"Why not tomorrow?" a lot of you may be asking? I don't know. 2009 seems like a long way off, but at least it gives us something to look forard to. Also, Conan is taking over for him. Nice!

Who's having an awesome night? Oh, me.

2004-09-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

Genius (but evil...)
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

I'm really excited that tonight I'm going to USC Film School's 75th anniversary. Fulfilling my duties as a slacker, I didn't RSVP soon enough and was wait listed. My good friend Joe allowed me to be his "plus one". So now I get to go after all!

Extremely exciting.

Will Ferrell is hosting the event, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what crazy antics he'll come up with. I bet his pants will fall down in the middle of a sentence and there he will stand, in a candy-colored thong!!! LOl!!!!!11!!! gimme a break, will!! I'm laughing too hard already, just thinking of what's gonna happen. I can't wait!!!

Also, is anyone else watching this Green Bay/Indianapolis game??? It's ridiculous. Favre and Manning are, like, unstoppable. They keep one-upping each other with touchdown pass after touchdown pass. It's amazing. I think it's kind of personal for both of them. They probably had a torrid love affair that ended badly.. poor guys...

The Layla Chronicles

2004-09-24T01:50:00.000-07:00

Young, Cool Love
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Before she became a dog that shits all over my apartment, Layla was the name of a popular music song by Eric Clapton. Here's a little information for your everyday lives:

The "Layla" of the song is actually Patti Harrison, wife of George Harrison, woman with whom Clapton was in love, bit actress with one line in A Hard Day's Night, and all around babe (look at the picture! DANG!!!)

Eventually George and Patti went their separate ways and Clapton scooped her up. They all remained friends, a fact that my sister thinks is creepy, but I find really beautiful and commendable.

I have another interesting piece of Beatles related-trivia for you all. Hopefully one that's a bit more esoteric than the tired old "Layla" story. The following all happened on the 12th of March, 1969: George and Patti Harrison are arrested after authorities find 120(!) joints in their home. Paul McCarthy marries Linda Eastman in a ceremony free of any other Beatles. Then on the 12th of March, 1974 John Lennon was kicked out of the Troubadour here in Los Angeles for heckling the comedic stylings of Tommy Smothers. To attempt to find a common bond to all this, all the events were kind of embarassing (Paul's because none of the other Beatles were either invited or showed up to his wedding.)

OK, enough about The Beatles. Go out and marry your best friend's ex-wife. You deserve it.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

2004-09-24T01:24:00.000-07:00

Of all the words in all the languages on all the Earth, these are the ones I am stringing together right now in some vague attempt to communicate.

(Not stoned, just at work...)

LESS TALK MORE ROCK!!!! That's genius! I should run a political campaign!!!...or a classic rock radio station...

2004-09-23T02:43:00.000-07:00

Even if he wins the election, you know Kerry would have rather his high school band, The Electras hit it big. Come on, given the choice between President and Rock Star, I think the choice is pretty clear. Especially with the kind of groupies that Presidents have been pulling these days (Lewinsky, Rumsfeld...).

Check out some of their songs on the website. They actually sound pretty tight. I'd like to jump right in with them, but it would require some kind of time warp, and all the time warps I can afford don't allow you to bring back guitars. So I guess it's back to the old drawing board, eh buddies!?!? Heha!?

Seriously, though, this is the first thing I know about Kerry that I can fully support. (Yes, I'm ignorant about politics, but I then again so is 99% of the nation)

Can George W. even play an intrument? I haven't heard of it if he can. The only way he can steal my vote back at this point is if his high school ninja-dinosaur club were revealed. That's a pretty important issue for me.

One more random thought. If Kerry wins, he and Clinton can form a new band! A saxaphone/guitar duo! And Richard Nixon can play whatever instruments they play in hell. (Accordians, according to Gary Larson.) Their first single will be called "Lump"

0 for flippin' 3

2004-09-22T18:13:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Goodness. Gracious.

I have broken ANOTHER keyboard. This makes the third in the last 2 months. I don't know how or why I have suddenly become the keyboard's number one enemy. I had the same keyboard for FOUR YEARS in college! Perfectly fine. Now that I've moved into my apartment I have been spilling liquid on keyboards like it's the thing to do. Hopefully it is...

Some of the keys on they keyboard still work. You will know that I'm posting from my broken keyboard at home if posts look like this:

blggngnng iz fumm!! hlp th dog iz eting mi!!

I have spilled wine and water on my keyboards. I don't know when I became so clumsy. Maybe it's because of the heroin, but I've never heard of any negative side-effects from heroin before... hmmm....

Dead yet?

2004-09-22T01:53:00.000-07:00

Nice skull, jerkoff
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

For some reason unknown to God or man, tonight I was reminded of Jesse Camp. Oh man, why was he put on earth in the first place?

Of course, the much more mystifying question is why was he elected to be a VJ on MTV. That's a question I don't think we'll ever be able to answer. Can anyone describe just how irritating this guy was? Because I just don't seem to have the prose to do it.

Not that anyone watches MTV anymore anyway, but if they do they should thank those 50 year old corporate executives who think Carson Daly is cool. Obviously Carson Daly is a huge toolbag, but at least he's not Jesse Camp. At least you can ignore Carson Daly.

Look at this fucking guy! He looks like he's tweaking and strung out on heroin at the same time. It looks like they caught him mid-nervous tick.

I post this so we may all suffer our embarassment over Jesse Camp together. May there never be another.

Fruit of the Labors

2004-09-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

Survivor 9 - Lesbian Edition
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Listen you cool cats. The newest season of Survivor premiered last Thursday. That's right, the season that I worked and sweat and bled and cried on. And threw up on. I had a lot of bodily fluid issues during my work hours...

Now many of you may remember my last gig in reality TV, the underwhelming For Love of Money Season 4... I saw about 20 minutes of one episode of that show when it was all said and done and was depressed for about a week afterwards. Terrible show. I explained it like this: Reality television is about the bottom of the barrel as far as media outlets go, and For Love or Money is the bottom of the reality TV barrel. So... it's like the bottom of two barrels.

Survivor was better. It's more of a competition and much less exploitative. I'm excited to watch the season progress and see how they portray a lot of the things that come along.

I'm still pissed off that I work in reality television... in post no less...

-Actually, I think blogs are the bottom of the barrel in terms of media.

--I'm at the bottom of like three barrels... at least.

Questions re: blogs

2004-09-21T02:27:00.000-07:00

I'm really hoping that in a couple of years I don't look back on this blog in the same, embarrassed way that I now look back at Friendster, which is inexplicably still in it's beta version. Everybody else went ahead and jumped on MySpace but I just don't have the willpower to list my favorite books again.

Hopefully the blog will be a bit more timeless. Already I have enjoyed going back and reading old posts. Which brings up another question: Will my children read my blog someday? I keep thinking about that...

Maybe I shouldn't swear so much, or make as many drug references.

Baz!

2004-09-20T23:49:00.000-07:00

Baz!
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Who cares that Oliver Stone got his version of Alexander out first? He rushed it, and the result looks like another boringly-incredible historical epic. Have you seen the trailer??

And while we're on the subject of shit, can we talk about this new acting style that people like Colin Farrell and Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen have taken up? I believe it's called "Not acting". Or maybe it's called "Stand with your jaw clenched and your eyes unblinking and speak without any emotion".

I don't even want to see a movie about Alexander the Great in the first place. The fact that two of them are coming out at the same time is mindboggling.

Nevertheless, the version I will definitely see is Baz Luhrman's. Coming off of Moulin Rouge, I think this guy can do anything. That movie was incredible. I'm watching it right now. Groundbreaking.

Plus the guy's name is "Baz". That's a fucking cool name.

The Who. Seriously.

2004-09-20T05:24:00.000-07:00

Who or what is the source of all this backlash against The Who? I hear it everywhere. I think this is becoming an epidemic. Because let's face it, The Who had some of the greatest rock musicians of all time in it. And no one can do that cool arm raised above the guitar thing quite like Pete Townshend.

Sure all their machismo theatrics seem a little overwrought by today's standards (The Darkness excluded, although they seem to have a sense of humor about it) and since they've been around for so long, some of their stuff is... pretty... bad... laughable...

BUT! BUT! Let's not forget that they are also responsible for some of the best songs, albums and musicianship in rock history!! HISTORY!!!! Think about it. Tommy. Think about it. Who Are You. Come on! The Seeker! That shit was in American Beauty! Live at Leeds.

OK, OK, let me stop before this becomes just a list of their songs and albums. Don't believe the hype. The Who are classic. Say what you will about Townshend and Daltry, but no one can deny that Keith Moon and John Entwistle were some cool fucking rock stars.

-Comments about how Pete Townshend is a pedophiliac are most welcome.

--Pedophiliac. They should use that word at the National Spelling Bee. I had to look it up.

College Town Report - Part 1

2004-09-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

Aggieland!~!~!
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Hello Loyal Readers,

This is a post from Blake Mitchell. Sorry I've been down on the upkeep of this, but I took a trip to College Station, Texas. Home of the Ags.

My brother just started school here, and they just won their football game vs. Wyoming so I figured now's as good a time as any to visit.

It's a pretty rocking place. Everybody here seems to be all about the party and the hospitality (as long as you're not TOO weird). The place is HUGE and FLAT and for a college town, there are mad places to eat, yo.

Well tomorrow I leave this place and head back to Funkytown, at which point I will resume my normal posting schedule.

Word to your mother, because without the word to your mother, you really don't have much.

If I only had a brain, a heart, the noive

2004-09-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

Another boring Saturday full of college football, Diet Dr Pepper and sleeping dogs. I may as well post something while I'm at it.

Uh, but I gots nothing.

Something is forthcoming, though. Something is brewing in the back of my mind.

Femme. Just femme.

2004-09-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

Chorus of angels
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

In a blatant attempt to increase traffic, I give you Amy Smart naked.

I have always thought she was the hottest young actress out there. I think I'm alone in this belief which is fine. More Amy for me. I just hope she keeps doing naked scenes.

War in! oh god that's rich!

The truth comes out, now let's drop it

2004-09-08T14:28:00.000-07:00

Defending Texas from the Vietcong
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

Honestly, I'm as tired of this bullshit from 30 years ago as everyone else is. If we have to deal with the past, let's just go back a year or so and talk about the Iraqi war, how it was conceived and forced on the American people, and how we were lied to about the results of said war. I'm much more interested in that than the service (or lack thereof) of the candidates in Vietnam.

HOWEVER, I feel compelled to link to this, from the Boston Globe, as some kind of final proof that Bush simply didn't fulfill his committments, committments he knew about and swore to uphold. Simple as that.

AND I DON'T CARE. This piece of information has no affect on my vote. I was going to vote against Bush before and I will vote against him now. This is all mud, MUD, and finally the mud has revealed a little transgression from the Bush campaign. Maybe if each side had focused on issues rather than the military history of the other, none of these things would have come up. Everyone has a few little dinks in their personal history, but those do not necessarily make a man unfit to lead! Just shut up about it, admit you have made mistakes since you are a HUMAN BEING, and focus on here & now.

Slaughterhouse Five

2004-09-08T13:07:00.000-07:00

Slaughterhouse Five
Originally uploaded by blakesnake.

I just finished a reread of my favorite book by my favorite living author (maybe my favorite author ever. I haven't made that decision yet).

I know I have blogged before about Vonnegut, posting that link to one of his great short stories, but this time I want to talk about his novel Slaughterhouse Five, which encapsulates one of the most beautiful ways to look at life in the midst of describing theories on time travel, the nature of death, and the firebombing of Dresden during World War II.

So through a mix of war, science fiction and pure, emotional human interaction, Vonnegut is able, for me anyway, to explain the universe in a way so much better than any major religion ever has... and the book is fiction! READ IT! I WILL LOAN YOU MY COPY!!!